We’re terrible listeners. Most of us, anyway.
I know I struggle with it. I talk for a living—literally—and I get paid well to do it. But that doesn’t mean I’m exempt from the need to listen. In fact, maybe I should be listening even more because I’m a professional speaker.
What about you?
This weekend, I’m heading to my professional development conference: Influence, the National Speakers Association’s annual meeting – https://influence.nsaspeaker.org. It’s a gathering of hundreds of speakers (we have had as many as 2000 attendees at our conference)—people who talk for a living. That’s a lot of words packed into about 108 hours. Let’s suppose we have 1000 attendees this year.
Quick math: 108 hours × 1,000 talkers = 108,000 hours of talking.
But how many hours of listening?
Not nearly enough.
My Listening Experiment
At a previous NSA conference, I tried an experiment: I didn’t talk about myself.
When someone asked, “What do you speak on?” (an awkward and grammatically clunky question, by the way), I flipped it. I asked questions instead. I stayed curious. I wanted to see what would happen if I just listened.
In my experiment, I spoke with over 30 people. And with only one or two exceptions, no one ever asked a genuine follow-up question about me after I asked them a question. Once they finished answering my question, they moved on or redirected the conversation back to their work, even though I had asked them questions about their hobbies, interests, and free time pursuits.
It was disheartening—but eye-opening.
Listening Is More Than Being Quiet
Listening isn’t just about closing your mouth. It’s about being present. It’s about curiosity over credentials. It’s about paying attention to someone’s words, tone, body language, and emotions.
Great listeners do a few simple (but rare) things:
- Make eye contact
- Nod or affirm to show understanding
- Ask clarifying questions
- Avoid interrupting
- Pause before responding
- And most importantly: make it about the other person, not themselves
Want to stand out in a noisy world? Be the person who listens.
The Follow-Up Is Part of Listening
The conversation isn’t over when the words stop. A thoughtful follow-up tells someone: I heard you. You matter.
Here are a few ways to follow through after a conversation:
- Send a link to an article related to what you discussed
- Write a short email summarizing the key takeaways
- Schedule a call, coffee, or lunch to keep the dialogue going
- Offer help without being asked
Talk Less. Listen More.
In a world of constant noise and self-promotion, the real differentiator is silence—and presence.
Let’s commit to being more than talkers. Let’s be curious. Let’s be connectors. Let’s become listeners who make people feel seen, heard, and valued.
Because listening should always come before speaking.
Internal Links to similar articles
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“Always Look for the Yes”
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